memories within.
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October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
2nd week of attachment.
Guthrie House, EA Asia Pacific Pte Ltd. its the 2nd week to my attachment and a dozen and more to go. im there as a QA Tester. hmm. nothing much to do recently. but will haf from nxt week onwards.
Attachment's tiring. Start to know how to enjoy weekends.
lost ;
9:29 PM
Monday, August 21, 2006
jus a simple msg from me to her.
ai chi chu de nan hai ai zhe mei li de ben nu hai.
haha.
nth to do. too much for me to blog. i think i'll end up flooding the blogger page so might as well jus make it simple.
been in pain for the past 4 days? think i sprained my wrist. don know how i sprained it but i will feel pain now and then whenever i carry things. sux. now i know how issit like when i cant use my right hand to carry stuffs and can only depend on my left hand to carry heavy stuffs. really inconvenient. even when driving where less or minimal str is required, i feel pain sometimes whenever i turn the steering with my right hand. lucky my dad's ok now or else i gotta wake up early every morning and endure this bloody pain on my wrist. darn......
tml's a resting day for me. im on holidays now and if anyone who sees this blog, can ask me out if ure bored too! haha.
ok, job's done here. gotta go finish my other jobs. (acc someone study!) =)
lost ;
1:57 AM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
exactly a month!
its been exactly a month since i blogged.
been tied down by quite a lot of things recently, eg. proj, dad's health, work, and also the coming exams.
have not been really resting for this past month. mentally and physically drained. gotta fetch my sis and mum every morning at 6.45am. cant slp till its 4am. donno wad's wrong with me also. -.-"!
final year project's done. next up's the final paper. hoping everything will jus end quick and i'll take the break i nid and then will start my attachment on sept 4th.
been posted to Electronic Arts Pan Pacific Pte Ltd at fifth avenue. the only consolation is that it's considered a short journey from my house to the company.
feel like a chatterbox when it comes to trivial things. but when it comes to her, i feel as though i have to restrict myself. why is that so? because of him? maybe. but nevertheless, i still care. really do. but just cant find a way to make him or her happy. so might as well jus keep quiet. waits for her call everynite, fearing that if i had called over, it might not been appropriate.
at this particular chapter of my life, it seems as though im really lost.
enough abt this. recently, saw a brochure abt furthering studies. i suddenly got this feeling of going overseas to further my studies. got this weird feeling of wanting to leave everything here and start anew abroad. tired? yes i am. a few good frens. thats all ive got. a lot of fucked up frens. yes i haf alot. i shall not define fucked up.
an alien living with others. yes thats me. donno how to describe my feeling but i only know, the dramas that im watching, her fone call and soccer news or matches. thats all im living for now. or at least i feel thats wad im living for now. life's become boring. unlike the past, where i often go out with her. now, everything's become bland. colourless. jus like my colour deficiency, unable to see proper colours. its incomplete.
ok. im tired abt this kind of things.
shall share the shows im watching.
current show watching :
Tokyo Juliet starring Wu Zun, Ariel Lin
Silence starring Zai Zai, Park Eun Hye, Andy Hui
Lets Get Married starring He Jun Xiang and donno who =X
Big Wife starring Michael Zhang and donno who =X
Wei Xiao Pasta starring Zhang Dong Liang, Cyndi Wang
currently mad about :
Tokyo Drift ! ( i wanna learn drifting !!!!! )
ok. think thats all.
lost ;
11:44 AM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
sudden urge
hmmm. got the sudden urge to go "u know wad". im off. va va voom!!
lost ;
2:10 AM
this is the 1st time im doing such things.
tio summon for the 1st time. hurt my back and is still swelling. we were at marina south when benedict shouted "A, SIAO LIAO". the stupid kee carpark person come. den me and benedict nv put coupon. so we ran below the rail to rush to our cars. benedict nv tio, i tio. summon and rail. both. -.-
knock my back against the rail while running towards our cars and similarly, i tio summon while benedict nv! tmd.
today's the 1st time i did smth like this. seeing how happy they are, even i myself, im surprised. i can actually see them go together and act as though nothing happens to me. i know. i chose this path. im ready for wadever things i'll see. its nv easy. but i nv expect myself to come to terms with it. jus the thought of it pains my heart. but nevertheless, her smiles are more impt. jus by seeing how happy she is when she's with him, at least i know, she's happy with someone else.
hmm. shall not tok abt it anymore. back's hurting. gonna slp le. nites all.
lost ;
12:55 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
things left unsaid, pointless.
alot on my mind. dunno how to release one by one. dunno how to express myself. everything kept inside. dun mind even if im mistaken by anyone else.
reached home at around 5.15am. nothing but her keeps popping on my mind. even when im running 140km/h at BKE. shld stop this. damn. dun wanna throw my licence away jus lydat.
wrecking my own brains with thoughts. thinking why shld i keep everything inside? why cant i jus express myself well? why cant ppl understand wad im thinking? the only ans i got from myself was, im jus useless. -.-"!
banged my last finger onto smth jus now. no one knew. feeling the pain now.
ok. gotta go slp. mum's nagging. nites.
lost ;
5:39 AM
Monday, July 03, 2006
if i only had a month more........
if i only had a month more, i'll jus disappear from everyone.
start everything afresh. and give myself new memories for that remaining one month.
can only regret not fulfilling my own promises. promises which i made to myself. to her.
tearing. bleeding. disappearing.
lost.
lost ;
8:18 PM
Sunday, June 25, 2006
so many things. so many faults. one person
so many things happened. so many faults happening around. but there's only one person to everything. me. everything's my fault.
not a man. not even a kid. even the thing that really motivates me now, cant even motivate me anymore. things seem to be pointless. everything.
so looking forward to TP. but no longer now. so looking forward to bringing home the cat to raise, but no longer now. so looking forward to our next movie date. but no longer now. im so so so bothered by the comments "im not a man"
nobody knows how much im bothered by those words. nobody knows how much pressure i can giv myself even if its because of trivial matters. yes i am stupid. no point putting pressure on myself jus because of trivial matters. but if i don, is that still kahlun? thats because im like that. many think that things can be better. i hoped. and i tried. but thats me.
i over react because i care. if someone who really knows me, shld know that i dun even bother with things that i dun care. but its because i care, that i tend to over react. my fault for over reacting. but thats jus me. a leopard cant change its spot. why cant ppl think that im jus like that and encourage me instead of jus pointing out " ure over reacting "
they get all the encouragement, i got all the blame. no matter how hard i try to stand up after a fall, i end up falling. falling is nth new to me anyway. but jus like how some students get tired of studying everyday, i get tired of falling always. but i know, even with a clutch, i cant guarantee that i wun fall. im jus so so so tired of falling that i wanna jus sit down and dun get up again. but i know i haf to stand up.
ive always wanted to do something i really want. but everything seems pointless now. the belief in me is gone jus because of a simple comment by some ppl. confidence is low.
u know how much i nid u now?
im tired.
lost ;
1:26 PM
