Im crushed. so crushed.
***
Bao Hu Se Instrumental

memories within.
; October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006

---

tired tired tired. so tired.

yawned for uncountable times. slept late last nite. 5.45am? and woke up at 10.30am. went for driving practical at 2pm. and den went to bg and slack till 6pm b4 i start work. signed out at 9.30pm and left the restaurant at ard 10pm. reached home at 11pm and starts to study. but keep yawning. sian.
now blogging b4 i go off to slp. tml's paper a sure flunk. no doubt.
-gd nite-

lost ;
12:29 AM

---

the feeling once so lost.

hmmm. the feeling of loving someone. once so lost. i think. its back. how unlucky that ger must be. wakaka.
i miss ger ger now. T_T
i know she's slping for sure. but i really feel like calling her yeah. but she doesnt like ppl to disturb her slp -.-"!
so i must stop myself from doing so. =/
tml's driving lesson + working function. den will be go home and slp. so gotta study b4 i go for driving and after that. for awhile also nid to study. bo bian. Tue's IAD's paper. nv really do well for assignments. yet here i am, idling away. from mapling, to pes5, to dota, to wanting to watch final destination 3. -.-"!
oh, btw, moses says im the assistant leader for fyp. -.-"! and im suppose to come up with a grp name? hmmm. anyone help me think? pls pls pls. something logical and sensical. ty.
-from da cute cute lun =X-
ok. thats crap.
-gone-

lost ;
2:54 AM

---

not even u

something interesting to share. today at work, me and joel served guo mei mei. lol. ok la. nth interesting though -.-. jus that she looks sweet when she smile and when looking from front. seriously, when i was serving, and i saw her from side view, things look very diff. -.-
alan suggested we try to get her autograph so that we can paste it in his office's noticeboard. yeah. i was the one who went to get it from her as she came out from the toilet. and i failed. -.-"! thanks to her manager i suppose. says that we cant get her autograph unless its her album that she's signing on. but i do see her hands moving so i think she was gonna sign until she got the red light from her manager? nevertheless they're jus a bunch of frenly ppls. love serving guests like that unlike to fairygod mother? lolz. ok thats all for work yeah.
got the sudden urge of trying to convince myself. that im gonna do my best to protect her. lol. crap la actually. how do i do it? when i feel that she's so far away from me. =/
at times, i think i jus love to daydream. to dream. to think far ahead. is everyone like that? or issit jus me? dream isnt a bad thing is it? can someone tell me the ans for this qns? =/
ok nvm. jus allow me to continue dreaming abt this. dream that i can protect her. keep her from harm. nobody's gonna stop me. not even u.

lost ;
3:11 AM

---

i jus cant concentrate

tml's mgep paper. haven touched on it. my god. jus cant concentrate. even fell aslp jus now. and wasted 2 hrs for nothing. zzz.
i know i gotta change my bloody mentality. nid time for that. next sem's final year project. if i still stay on at this mentality, im not jus gonna do badly, but also pull down my proj mates.
by jus looking at the topics to study for mgep, im near fainting. so much to touch on. worse still, i haf no textbooks. gonna jus read the slides. includes topics from other modules as well. Artificial Intelligence. sounds interesting. but so freaking hard to implement, to understand. at least to me T_T
ok. resort to smoking again. stress = smoke. nice excuse. but no choice. for me, thats the way.
unless she asks me to stop smoking for her sake.
possiblity - 0.0000001? =/
consolation. at least the chance is still there. haiz.

lost ;
12:06 AM

---

wad if...

am thinking. wad if i failed my modules?
stay back lor. some of u will say.
but is that really wad i wan.
i dunno.
of cos i dun wan la. who on earth will wanna stay back? -.-"!
but all im thinking now, is to enjoy after exam. i nv think abt my exams! wad's wrong with me? pre exam mood = enjoy, post exam mood cfm = enjoy. wad abt exam period mood? also enjoy. freak. kl is a freak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
boring~
not gonna go any further. bahhhh.
- gone to sch for 2nd paper -

lost ;
12:59 PM

tml's gdev.

tml's paper. another coding paper. >_<. guess thats wad the papers of IT students are. codes and codes and codes. >_<
gonna watch da big match later. chelsea against barcelona. no mood to study. sad. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
-gone-

lost ;
12:44 AM

---

heart, mental, physical

heart aches. mentally drained. physically weak.
exam period = crucial time for testing of endurance from individuals.
its nv easy. together with my habit of not turning in early. almost slping every nite at 4am.
everything nids time to adapt to. me too. i nid to adapt to the situation im in now.
gonna go for exams now. good luck kahlun.

lost ;
12:38 PM

---

3 sentence

i am half drunk yet awake.
i am happy over liverpool's 1-0 win over man u.
i miss her.
gd nites everyone.

lost ;
4:13 AM

---

crucial win

bought a new spec after my spec was whacked. had a new hair cut. capped off with a liverpool crucial 1-0 win over arsenal. ok. its not linked. but im jus happy liverpool got all 3 points.
currently rushing assignments still. its nv ending. i dunno why. omg. half my class ppl playing dota now. sadded. cant join them. lolz. ok. will end here. nth much to write anyway.

- gone -

lost ;
1:55 PM

---

series of unfortunate events?

ok. here's abit of a recap. suffered from chest pains after i was whacked by the ball. had to wait till thurs b4 i feel i had recovered. but the pain was still there occasionally. den yest, i got whacked right into my left eye. it left me bleeding and also my specs koyak. jus a minor cut on my left eyebrow area. cut down str from my eye brow. =/ eye was swelling badly at 1st but was ok when i reached home. rushed project only to fall aslp yet again. -.-"! so sorry to my proj mates. though not much things was done -.-"!
wasnt feeling well this morning. woke up feeling pain in the stomach. 1st thing i did when i reached sch was to go fc6 to look for jj and boon tat. had lunch there b4 returning to the lab. the lab im in now. =/
gonna present mgep later on. although the lecturer is already 20mins late. having IAD interview later on as well. wonder wad time will i have my interview but if its not today, i'd definitely not be happy. cos i came to sch wasting my time. rather spend it at home resting. so freaking tired and not feeling well.
tml's valentine's day. i'll be at blue ginger. as a staff -.-"! yes. im working tml nite. zz. lonely lonely me. lolz. decided to work tml because i dare not ask her out? seems like she dun wanna go out as well. will jus be getting a gift for her but i dunno wanna giv her anot. =/ confuse confuse confuse.
also received my exam time table jus now.
-21st feb, 23rd feb, 24th feb, 28th feb & 2 mar.
my god. in course assesment but turns out to have 5 bloody test papers. zzz. fail le =/
i give up.
=(

lost ;
1:44 PM

---

this is the time

suddenly, i've become very very busy. with assignments, work and driving lessons. its more than enough to occupy me. currently stressing over assignments and the upcoming tests. cut down on my working shifts due to these and hope to be able to work more once im done with my tests and assignments. den it'll be work and driving.
mayb this is the time where i'll be really "tested" on my perseverance, endurance and hardworkingness. d-day's all over the week, tests upcoming. assignments half done, tests unstudied. i have to finish everything in abt 2 weeks time? without me failing. sounds easy for those A students. but not for ppl like me (D students).
still haven fully recovered from the chest pain. still pains once in a while and i hope it'll finally be over soon. hate chest pains. still rushing iad now. dora's helping me with the debugging. and i think i'll be improving on my sites. gonna hand in later with wad ive got. but will be looking to improve it while doing mgep on sun.
ok. enuff of slacking.

lost ;
11:55 PM

---

i..... am..... kah..... lun.....

doing my IAD assignment now. doing a website using html and java codes. aint got mood to continue now. suxor. tml's got driving lesson. tml's got gdev interview. slept for jus an hour this morning. gonna burn midnite oil to rush IAD. sat's working full day. pack pack pack. im gonna be drained. soon.
passed my BTT anyway. but that dun mean much to me now. cos everything jus came crashing downwards today. dun wanna say anymore.
-gone-

lost ;
9:19 PM

---

BTT

ok. feel a sudden urge of anxiousness and fear. gonna go for my BTT in like 5 mins time. gotta reach there at 6.30. omg. scared scared scared. im not gonna fail it. i cant!!!!
ok. going off now.
-gone-

lost ;
5:54 PM

---

title = no title;

sort of done gdev. can be improved. some aint working properly but at least they are there. toady suddenly have maple mood. think i'll jus chiong to lvl 61 den take a break. tml's my basic theory test. hope i'll pass.
a good thing my mood is improving. but not my cough. chest is still so painful. (still cursing the guy who hit the ball on my chest). cant even breathe properly -.-"! breathe in too hard den i'll get pain on my chest. *&#*($&@(#*&#@

think my mind is still full of c++. sux man. hate hate hate it. i dun wanna be struggling.
no.
kahlun = new kahlung(g_pd3dDevice, "kahlun.jpg", 170, 50);
kahlun->render();
if (state==doingassignments) {
currentStatus=DO_NOT_DISTURB;
}else{
currentStatus=FEEL_FREE_TO_DISTURB;
}

ok. thats a lame one. but recently, this is the sort of codes im seeing. all the time -.-"! currently stuck at IAD. waiting for my jdk1.5. getting it from gilbert. thumbdrive sux. takes such a long time to copy.

but seriously. thanks u guys for helping me with my assignments. though i might still flunk it, but without u guys, i'll definitely flunk it. o.O

suxor.

gone. back to assignments. back to stress.

lost ;
3:18 PM

dunno why

i really dunno why i should bother. her similiarities. so similar. i couldn't believe it. its all like a dream. i dun wan the same ending ever again. that jus sucks.
ouch. jus cut my hand. i dunno why this few days my anger fuse easily. mayb becos hard disk crash at the wrong moments? maybe.
now i seem to get angry anytime someone pisses me off slightly. including her. sometimes life's jus so fucked up. always taking the wrong steps at the right time and the right one at the wrong time. zzz.
suddenly my life fills with hatred. i hate ppl's attitude. i hate ppl ignoring me(but i dun grab attention). i hate ppl who jus fucked me up anytime anyday. and i hate chelsea. hate going home. hate doing assignments. hate myself !
aint got time for all this shits. jean jean asked me to hang on. i AM. but wad's the pt when things seem to go even wrong for me? i seem to have endless complaints. and hell i tell u, Yes i haf ALOT more to complain. did wonder if i'm the one in the wrong. mayb yes. i do admit that. (hey, im not a fcuking unreasonable freak) but sometimes i dunno why, ppl jus cant realise their mistake.
jus like my lecturer. she thinks she's fcuking big jus because she's my lecturer? so wad? big fcuk? she doesnt understand. a lecturer is meant to teach. but wad is she showing? biasness towards her "fav" students and neglecting those that nid help. the lecturer SHLD BE HELPING THOSE WHO NID HELP AND NOT THOSE WHO ARE DOING WELL AND SHE'S HELPING THEM TO DO EVEN BETTER AND NEGLECTING THOSE THAT DUNNO HOW TO DO.
mentioning this. seriously makes my blood boil. if i ever see that shit happen again, dun bet against me not throwing my temper. a lecturer is also a human. they make mistakes too. and for goodness sake, this mistake made by this lecturer, is goddamn bloody terrible.
her attitude makes me feel like quitting school. and i mean it. who can stand such a lecturer for 3 semester?! not me at least.
zzz
blood is at 80 degrees.
dun wanna say any longer.
im fcuking off
-fcuked off-

lost ;
10:39 AM

---

fcuk off

no mood. dun try to piss me off. everything screw up at the wrong moment. kena suan siao by lecturer somemore. fuck this shit. if i had known, i'd not have chosen IT. fuck IT.
going on a smoking spree. i take back my words. she doesnt care anyway. so why be so noble. zz.

back to assignments.

lost ;
1:00 PM

how unlucky can i get? how long more?

ok. lets start from this morning. was late for soccer in the morning. slept at 5am so tried my best. scored the 1st 4 goals of all games. thought its gonna be a lucky day for me. but u know wad? things jus got worse time after time. 1st i got whacked on the chest. was fine at 1st but later, my chest started to feel pain. endured the pain all the way till i get home. 2ndly, got tackled on my right leg and its kinda swollen. limping a little while walking. 3rdly. jus intended to start on GDEV when i found out the portable hard disk crashed. no back up copies made and there goes my assignments. gotta redo all. if thats not the worse, check this out. went to dayong's place to watch liverpool. brought my laptop along to continue with my assignments. liverpool lost 2-0 to pussies players. nvm. we admit defeat. but i had to camp in the toilet during half time due to the stomachache given to me by the kopi? or mayb M&Ms. i dunno. in other words, it seems like "someone" jus doesnt wan me to finish my assignments. thats a fcuking bloody joke made on me.
dam pissed off. dam dulan. wad else can i say?
say i miss u? i do. and i wanna tell u. but how to? u r busy with ur stuffs as well. the moment i called u, wanna say it to u, i can sense u r busy. saying it out will only giv u additional pressure. no point. dun bother. will be handing up GDEV late. for sure. zz.
if "u" wanna fool with me, please choose a more appropriate time.

lost ;
3:30 AM

---

o_o

jus finished my last ciggy. suddenly got this feeling. i wanna quit smoking! for her sake. though i dunno how much i mean to her. but i know she cant stand ciggy.
been feeling uneasy this few days. whether its assignments, or other problems. i know i know. she deserves someone better. but i hope i can be the someone better. -.-"! i still cant be so "da fang" to actually admit that im not as good as him. jus like in soccer, i aim to improve. so the same here. i aim to become a better person. -.-"! bull crap. zzz. dunno wad am i talking abt. =/
suxorrr

lost ;
4:44 AM

---

how "lucky" can i get?

jus came back from my "break". went out to foodcourt to have breakfast. when i was on my way back, someone stopped me.
INTERVIEW! omg. they ask me about downloading of mp3. sian half. was already trying to avoid them but sway sway, i tio. omg. my fren even took a pic of it. mayb i shld post it in frenster? -.-"
well. encountering problems now wit my assignments. particle systems. it sux man. failing to debug = sian half.
- ok . time to ask mr hubertus -

lost ;
11:30 AM

---

haunted

im haunted! again and again. over and over again. inferior. someone explain this word to me? why must i feel this way time after time?!
i've nv been good enuff, nv was and nv will be. thats why im not good enuff for her. i know that myself. im dumb. she deserve someone better. like him. im jus way off.
- inferiority - bull crap

lost ;
10:29 PM

"happy" cny

spent my new year running around. nv really stay at home. lost 200 over bucks in total. sad.
1st day of cny.
as usual. went to ah ma's place b4 going to da ah yi's place. den went to mum's side parents place. but this time round we visited da gu as well cause she's going for holiday on the 2nd day of cny. stayed till 11pm lydat and i head to dewei's place.
stayed till ard 5am and i slept at 6am that day.
2nd day of cny. skipped 2nd uncle's place though its only at senja. went to elaine hse instead that day. den joel came to my hse and slept at ard 4am? shld be la.
3rd day of cny. went to sL's place b4 heading to punggol to visit cheah. den went to da paolo for some pasta. total bill was 300++ i think. den head back to bt panjang with cheah to collect smth b4 we go to ken's place together. reached home at around 1am. den slept at 3am++.
today.
woke up late today. was late for class but surprisingly only momo and norman was earlier than me and sp -.-"! slept at all the classes =/ den went to gems for our presentation. was kinda confident but sort of cocked up in the end. dunno why also. haiz sad. was thinking of her jus b4 i was gonna present. lost all my confidence in jus that split second. den went to plaza to get my wax and spray. guess thats all for today. other than that jus slacking at home. but joel right beside me now. playing the song i wan. =(
we're gonna dota.
-bb-

lost ;
12:47 AM

---

BRINGmeBACKtoLIFE.
kahlun
petir rd
singapore poly
29aug1987
kahlun_87@hotmail.com
alunso
babyCar
half liverpudlian
blue ginger


amLIVINGonlyFOR.
soccer
liverpool
slack
frens
you
pool
gaming
singing


hateBEINGonEARTHbecosOFthem.
liars
backstabbers
hypocrites
selfish *toots*
unreasonable *toots*
pilots (those that fly plane)


MOOD.
get from unkymoods

alwaysONmyMIND.
sp.
eileennn
outside.
amos aka ballack?
jean
wendy
yanqing
buds.
dewei
fookyuen
joel


ALLthanksTO.
angelic-trust
rebel-heart
blogskins
twiinx