memories within.
;
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
Saturday, April 08, 2006
now den i realise.
jus found out things which i nv expected to happen. i dunno who on earth wans me dead. ok. the feeling of being backstabbed although its not directly caused by the person involved. that feeling, sux big time. its ok if im alr nv amongst u all. though now things are all in the past, but the fact that u guys once pointed fingers at me. its obvious. now there's another thing as well. i heard someone told me i offended someone. ok, at least i feel that i still joked with the offended person but i dunno why, i offended that person. according to someone. is this some kind of joke played on me?
feeling so victimised.
i have nothing to hide. if i made a mistake, i'd admit it. there's no need to do things behind my back. talk behind my back. right in front of my face. yes. my pimples face. say it straight to me. at least i'd know wad my mistakes are.
for all that i've done, i feel i deserved more than jus being victimised. ok. joel did tell me to not always focus on bad side. but in this pt, im already focusing on the good pts. but i really couldnt find much good pts for me to cover the bad pts.
worse of all, someone whom i loved, is questioning me abt it. ok i shld be honest in the 1st place. but i believe there's no need for explanation when everything is jus a flash of the past. yes im stupid to do it in the past. but does it mean once i made a mistake, im condemned? if thats the logic behind it, does it mean our frens that entered remand prison cannot be given another chance as well?
thats not the way i see things. if ppl who entered remand prison could be given a chance, i dun see why i cant. i know the feeling of being unforgiven. i once made a big mistake. i was nv given the chance to make amends. that feeling is as good as being condemned.
and how does one person define "forget"? is hatred really a form of love? i dun think so. i think hatred is a feeling developed by a sense of betrayal, pack of lies and backstabes. thats how i define hatred. and if ppl is questioning me abt whether i had forgotten my past, i can say no. becos memories are always there. but the feelings, will nv be there. especially ure betrayed, being lied to and being backstabbed. no matter how much a person love the other, i believe, when u encounter such a past relationship like mine, u'd nv be able to take it easy. (sry no offence to the past relationship).
its jus another mistake of mine. tonnes and tonnes of mistakes. unpardonable. thats jus kahlun's life. yes. im being pessimistic again. but can i be optimistic when ppl are pointing fingers at me for almost everything? (here i am not referring to jus the 2 probs i mentioned above)
sick and tired. wad's life? ([L]iving [I]n [F]**king [E]nvironment?)
but at the end of the day, all i can say is nvm. im used to it. and here i am, keeping things to myself yet again. becos i jus cant find a way to unwind. not even when i get myself drunk.
gone.
lost ;
5:12 PM
